Rhian had her first sleepover with her cousin Jaida last night and tonight she got her first shower all by herself.  

Jcc 21:09

She partied hard and fell out snoring loud. 

Jcc – 16:25

Rhian crossed the bridge on the playground today. The one that moves and dips when you run across it. This has been a huge fear of hers for a while. Sometimes, things are just done in our own time. 

Jcc 21:12

We are not exactly sure what little lady lives in our household. Something has happened to the sweet little girl we thought was our daughter…..Well, she’s still sweet, but just full of attitude and moodiness. I hesitate to say the word attitude. While John will never understand, I think the term is used all too often for black women in description of dissatisfaction towards anything. I digressed, but the point is I don’t want to use the word too loosely with Rhian because of such. 

She is testing her boundaries in a major way, which is more of a test to us (mainly me I think). I feel I fail most times. My all or nothing views make me feel like it’s either a losing or winning game. I have to force myself to remember that she is four, a child, and I’m the guidance shaping and molding what I can. Not losing or winning, but guiding what God has created. 

No matter what the day brought us, the duties outside of home, we must remember she’s four. And this little lady is ours to mold and guide. God bless those who have more than one, and bless those that I ever judged. 


Rhian got her hair straightened, and loved it. I did too, but had mixed feelings about it. John thought it was beautiful, but not ready for it. 

I’m wondering about the stages she’ll go through as a naturally curly girl. I think her hair is absolutely beautiful either way. I remember wondering if she’d ever have hair, then a few curls sprung out. Out of nowhere, there was a head full of sandy brown blonde bountiful curls! 

It seems that when growing up, we often want what we don’t have. I wonder if she’ll want to relax her hair, or straighten it, or simply love the way it is. Of course I hope for the latter. It’s so versatile. 

The wealth of knowledge and education for hair gives me hope that she’ll love those locs of hers. Short or long, curly or straight, I just hope for acceptance of what it naturally is. 


My parents took me to the Golden Dawn Diner in New Jersey. Maybe our tradition with Rhian will be late nights at Starbucks. 

Jcc 22:42

She has been talking about him lately. She wanted to leave flowers on his grave and give him some updates. We picked some flowers and she made sure they were protected until we got to the cemetary. She let grandpa know her favorite colors, that she loves chocolate ice cream, that she is now 4 years old, and she misses him. Had me teary eyed the entire time. 

Jcc 00:07